2 Week Wait

Ok so 99% sure I O'd on CD 18 based on CM and cramping. Been awful about temping this month though.

Here We Go

AF is finally gone so we DTD tonight. It's not even close to my fertile time yet but I am happy that it's finally time. That long AF made me feel like my cycle was never going to end!

CD 2, Definitely AF

I was really nervous that when AF full on started it was going to be hard. Going to be a bad reminder.

But it's so completely not like a miscarriage I feel silly for even being worried. It's been awhile since I've had a period and honestly, I forgot what it felt like!

Sure I have some cramps but really I feel fine. A little bloated but no where near the bloating I get while pregnant.

I feel a little tired and honestly that bothers me more then the cramps. I certainly don't feel like I need to go take as much as a tylenol.

In an odd way though, it still is a reminder of how both losses were definitely losses. Feeling how different this feels and remembering how awful those were... the thoughts in my head just keep going, "you really lost 2 babies in a row, you can't deny it!" and honestly all I really want is to pretend it never happened.

It makes me feel guilty to admit that, like I am betraying those babies. But I would rather pretend it didn't happen then talk about it.

Maybe this month will be the month baby #4 comes to stay.

Spotting

So I think this is it.

Pretty disappointed to be honest. I was really hoping it would be that easy. Hard thinking about how far along I'd be with each of my last pregnancies and knowing I am not pregnant and yet another month has gone by.

Yeah. Sucks.

Naturally my first mother's day as a mom of 3 will be spent most likely, with AF.

Awesome.