CD 37 - 10 DPO

Temp: 97.54

Symptoms:
Tons and tons of CM pouring out of me.
Cramps.
Irritability.
Mild nausea.

As you can see I caved and tested. Because yay late, no spotting! So my temp dropped, dropped the day I got a BFP with the twins! So why not?!

BFN. Clearly, 100%, not so much as an evap or indent. BFuckingN.

The cramps have picked up, like I said still no spotting, even after some vigorous sex.

I am just feeling very out right now. DH is feeling very negative about this. Says he can't take seeing me break down like this every month and he's thinking he wants to be done. We talked a little about it but nothing decided yet. I might push through until our 1 year mark and if we're still not pregnant then just stop charting and stop thinking about it.

I hate this.

Expecting AF tonight.

Late

I am officially late.....

....

...

...!

CD 36 - 9 DPO

Temp: 97.74

Symptoms:
Mild nausea.
Mild heartburn.
Full veiny boobs.
Headache.
Irritability (probably due to this damn headache).
Bloated.

Still no spotting but I am just not feeling hopeful with that dip. I know it's not a huge one but it's more then I wanted to see. I just can't get past the fear that AF is messing with me and just going to be a few days late.

Can I fast forward to tomorrow morning please?

AF is due tonight.

CD 35 - 8 DPO

Temp: 98

Symptoms:
Honestly if I am not pregnant have me committed.
Nausea, so bad I am wearing my seabands and have only been able to keep down crackers today. Gagging over everything.
Heartburn, so bad not even tums is touching it.
Bloated.
Minimal cramping. So far just once today.
Gassy.
DH claims smell sensitivity. I still maintain an animal must have died outside our window last night.

Chart is triphasic. Doesn't always mean pregnancy but I am hopeful.

No spotting at all right now, even after SEX, and trust me I am checking! I am also having these sharp zings on my cervix. Not sure what is up with that. Also still having lots of CM.

Let this be it!!!!!!!!!

CD 34 - 7 DPO

Temp: 97.94

Symptoms:
Cramps
Sore boobs/nipples
Nausea (gagging)
Heartburn
Irritability
Increase in CM
DH says I have super veiny boobs right now

I was excited at first about the temp rise until I opened my mouth about it to a friend and I remembered just how stupid I was being. The rise means nothing, I am not going to be pregnant.

We almost DTD last night but it was late and I needed to temp and then I got bad heartburn when I woke up in the morning so we have a date to do it tonight. Figured not only should we get it in before AF comes but also DTD always brings on spotting when AF is about to show so that will be a nice reminder that I am not in fact going to get pregnant this cycle. No spotting today.

CD 33 - 6 DPO

Temp this morning was 97.58.

Symptoms: Skin break out, sore nipples, heartburn, and lower back ache. Felt some weird cervical twinges last night and then started cramping but the cramping didn't last long and is gone now. All of these are still AF signs for me and last night I was craving chocolate.

My dad sent me chocolate covered almonds for Christmas but I don't like almonds so I was kind of like thanks... but he told me to try them because they are the best thing ever and sure enough, they taste like solid hot chocolate with some crunch in the middle! I am not a big chocolate lover so I can't handle more then 5 or 6 at a time, but they are very very good. Even my husband likes them and he doesn't like chocolate or nuts (are we not made for each other or what? Well except he prefers ice cream and I can't tolerate real ice cream lol).

I took a smaller screen shot today because the pictures were getting too big for my blog and when I resize them they come out blurry (you might have noticed that on yesterday's post).

I just took it from when I started temping. You can refer back to the other charts if you feel like you need another reminder at how freaking long my bleeding was!

Still definitely thinking I ovulated. Even though today's temp is .02 less then yesterdays it's still higher then my highest LP temp (I don't count the ones during AF because they fluctuate with the progesterone levels going down). And really, .02 is not a huge difference from yesterday either. Appears most all my 2/1ww temps are hovering around the same.

I'd still love a nice temp rise though body! Because a little egg is snuggling in, not because you want to be an ass and get my hopes up!!

CD 32 - 5 DPO

 I definitely ovulated!! I was worried maybe I'd had restless sleep and it caused my temp to go up (not getting enough sleep really effects my temps). But I had a BAD, like if I moved I puked (among other gross things) stomach flu yesterday and I was in bed all day, and still slept all night. Probably helped that I kicked my husband out to sleep on the air mattress and had the bed to myself! ;)

Temp this morning was 97.6!

I won't test until I hit 12 DPO (my LP has never been longer then 12 days and lately it's been 8 so I have a good shot at being pregnant if I reach that) so I am officially in the 1WW!

Right now I feel more like AF is coming then anything. I am PMSing pretty bad and DD #1's screeching is driving me to insanity. Let this next one be a boy, PLEASE!

Just kidding, I'll take whatever I can get! Even if that means several girls (but really God, please just one at a time this time, please?)!

I currently have just one FRER and on CBD HPT in the house right now and I don't want to line squint so if the CBD is negative at 12 dpo I won't take another HPT until it is or until AF shows.

Please let this be our month!!!!

CD 31 - 4 DPO

Temp was 97.8. FF gave me SOLID crosshairs. It seems pretty sure of itself.

We shall see!!

I am too afraid to get hopeful but I'd be very happy if this was really ovulation and I have a real shot this cycle at getting pregnant!!

CD 30

I give up.

Temp 97.62. Don't get excited, I woke up really hot and asked Rob to turn the A/C on so that's probably why it's up a little.

OPK was way more negative then yesterday. It's barely there.

I am so tired of getting my hopes up only to have them come crashing down.

I don't even know what to do anymore. Failing at TTC is having a very negative impact on me right now, I'm becoming more and more depressed as each month goes by.

But not trying won't solve it. I am depressed BECAUSE I am not getting pregnant. I don't want it to be like this but not trying won't change how I feel either. IDK.

Thinking next month I may just write my temps down on paper and not plug them into FF or do CM checks or anything else like that and just try not to think about it. Might even just shut off FB for awhile too so I don't have to see all the pregnancy announcements.

CD 29

Ok so I did not temp. I had a hard time sleeping last night.

Honestly I am feeling like AF is coming but I decided to take another OPK tonight anyway.

Yay for darker! Maybe I might actually ovulate in a bit here!

Today's OPK

Negative.

CD 28

Temp was 97.32.

More oops BFPs going around.

I am so done with this whole fucking process.

And I have been recording this EWCM because it's like the best EWCM I've ever had without mucinex.

CD 27

Got so excited yesterday thinking I had finally ovulated.

Nope.

I am so crushed today I can't even tell you. Rob had even said to me last night he really thought this was it. I had so much EWCM yesterday I had to mark it because it was pouring out of me.

I am just so so disappointed right now I could cry.

CD 24

Temp today was 97.1.

I was having some sharp cramp pains around my ovaries last night and got really hopeful I would ovulate but nope. Of course not.

Last night I made a grocery list, thought I would share it here.

I only have one digital in the house right now so I figure I will pick up more too, and some OPKs to see if I am even close to ovulating right now.

CD 23

Temp this morning was 97.3.

It fell out of my mouth because I fell asleep but it falling woke me and right when I put it back it started beeping so I am counting it as accurate.

CD 22

Temp was 97.12.

My uterus feels really weird. I don't know how to explain it, it just doesn't feel normal. Just definitely feeling something weird. I don't know if it means my period is coming or what.

At this point not thinking I will ovulate. Maybe not at all, or maybe just not anytime soon.

I know you don't always ovulate after a loss but because it wasn't confirmed I was hopeful I was still wrong and I would just ovulate on time.

I don't know.

No spotting or anything so that's good, especially since I'd been spotting the last few cycles after sex. It's been a wonderfully spot free month so far so I am just taking that as a good sign!

Maybe the fates are waiting for pay day so I can try pre-seed and vitex??

CD 21

Temp was 97.31.

Yeah.

I don't even know.

CD 20

Enough is enough.

I had a really bad night last night. The one BFP announcement I had been dreading the most, happened.

I am not even going to get into that here.

Point is once I managed to stop crying long enough to think straight, I decided.

I am done.

It's time to get serious. I will not reach my one year mark having not had one cycle where I really, really, gave it my all.

So if I still haven't ovulated by payday it's time to get serious. Going to go buy OPKs, vitex, and more pregnancy tests.

Going to take the prenatals, vitex, and yes the dreaded B6 again. Going to buy a new brand though and hope it doesn't smell nearly as bad! (Avoid NatureMade B6!!!!)

Here we go, time to get serious.

Well, if my body cooperates that is.

I was saying last night it felt like AF was coming. Cramps, moodiness, chocolate cravings. All very much AF signs for me.

This morning my temp was 96.3.

I am not even so much as spotting, which after sex is really good considering the past few months. Especially since it was pretty... well.... vigorous haha! I needed something after the bad news and I don't drink so sex it is!

Either I am having a super ovulation or more likely my body is just trying to regulate and drop all the residual hormones from the loss.

Or it could even be the fact that it was cold last night and I woke up out of the covers. (I oral temp, and sleep with my mouth open.)

We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Sigh.

CD 19

Temp today was 97.34.

Feeling really down the last couple of days. Just shouldn't have to be this hard. I know I've been blessed with two healthy pregnancies already, but I am just not done yet. Please don't let me be done yet. :(

CD 18

Wow, am I really 18 days into this cycle already?!

So even though it's illegal in city limits and we live RIGHT next to the state troopers office and what I call the car barn (because the place where they stored school buses where I am from was called the bus barn, not because I think police are pigs!) that stores all the cruisers, people were still setting off fireworks until 2 am!! And unfortunately DD #1 is a light sleeper like me and kept us up. With a temp time of 4:45 am I did not get to bed with enough time to temp. So I skipped it in favor of trying to sleep through DH's snoring! :P

So here's my chart:

I don't think I can say enough how much I want this, and what little faith I have that this will be our month. Frankly I am just going to be happy to ovulate.