I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!!!

Checked the pregnancy thread on a message board I used to post on.

I knew I shouldn't have but I thought I was ok.

I was so hesitant to join it. I kept telling her not to add my ticker because I was afraid it would jinx me.

I found out she did indeed add it the day I miscarried.

I know it's not her fault and I don't blame her, at all.

But damn that hurt to see.

And then it gets worse.

I didn't tell them until 2 weeks later that I had miscarried.

And I just read a response from one of them.

She said I must be the most fertile person in the world.

God that pisses me off. Before this baby I'd still miscarried 5 others. I only had 2 pregnancies make it to term. I am NOT even CLOSE to the most fertile person in the world.

Maybe getting pregnant counts as being really fertile but it doesn't mean shit if I miscarry! I'd rather have a really hard time getting pregnant then keep miscarrying and trying and miscarrying and trying.

It hurts so bad it's like a hole in my chest. A painful empty vortex and I can't breathe and I just want to scream and cry that it's not fair and I am not fertile I am BROKEN!!!