CD 19

Temp: N/A

OPK: Negative

Had probably the best sex of my life last night. I know you needed to know that!

Excited my OPK is a little darker (sorry it looks weird my camera has a macro setting but only if you set it to the automatic function and that one just decides whether or not you can use macro, you can't force it to ugh!) so that made me happy. I am buying more tonight so we'll see if they keep getting darker. Going to test every day now.

CD 18

Temp:  N/A

OPK: Negative.

As you can see I have had to take a break from temping.

Honestly I've been trying to brush it off like I wasn't stressing but I was. I was sinking deeper and deeper into depression and starting out this cycle I spent most days crying.

I just feel done. As you can see above my OPKs are almost completely negative so it's not looking like I am going to ovulate any time soon. If at all. I am so freaking tired of this.

The only positive is with my depression comes a lack of appetite and DH has already told me I look like I am losing weight.

I just do not think this is going to be our month.

Think I might get back to temping on Monday just to confirm O hasn't happened yet and maybe catch it. I am not sure yet though. We'll see.

In other news this is pretty cool:

CD 12

Temp: N/A

I didn't temp today. I was pretty depressed and disheartened last night so I stayed up watching TV and then went to sleep on the couch rather then get up and move too close to temp time. I got enough sleep to temp and I was going to until I woke up to see the clock said 6 am, the time DH is supposed to be at work (an hour and 15 minutes after I normally temp) and I freak out, run upstairs, trip and fall and rip the top of my toenail off, burst into the room, and he tells me he goes in at 8 am this morning so he doesn't have to get up yet.

To say I was pissed is an understatement, ESPECIALLY when before when I'd tried to go to sleep after sex while we laid in bed I had checked that the alarm was set for 4:45 right in front of him and he never said a word! So I did not get to temp.

Because I did not get to temp, and because I don't really even need an excuse to want to POAS I took an OPK to make sure I was not near O time.

Definitely negative. Still probably a week off, or more, from O. Which is not surprising but I was really hoping I would O early. So it was a little disappointing.

Mostly I am looking forward to buying more tests when AF comes. It makes me happy having lots of FRER's to pee on.

CD 11

Temp: 97.42

So I've been having LOTS of cramping. Battling a bad migraine the last few days. It's left me pretty worn down and miserable.

I am not 100% sure my temp is right. It's still about right for my pre-o temps last cycle but when the alarm went off I was so tired and out of it from the migraine and that I grabbed the phone instead of the alarm clock and sat there trying to turn off the alarm and started panicking that I couldn't make it stop and I ended up yelling at DH, "I can't get the alarm to turn off!!!"

And he basically was like you're a moron lol. Isn't he sweet?

So I took my temp after that. I hadn't like gotten up out of bed but I do think I raised my temp by raising my heart rate from the panic lol. So I am calling it valid but won't be surprised if it drops again tomorrow. I am thinking I might take an OPK CD 14 because I have been having a feeling that I will ovulate early this cycle but then I think I should just wait until CD 17 because of course I am not going to ovulate early.

So we'll see how I feel Sunday. If I am having any fertile CM around then. Right now it's pretty much either sticky or creamy but unless it's clear to me I am not going to record it.

CD 10

Temp: 97.05

Honestly I am not feeling it this month. I've already cried a few times. I am feeling disheartened by the whole thing.

I really just want to give up.

I am starting to feel like if this cycle isn't it then I am done. No more temping/tracking. No more trying. Just not going to use any birth control.

Part of me wants to keep temping a few cycle but part of me is just so over this process.

I haven't seen many friends announce pregnancies the last few days but here come the every facebook status is about their pregnancy part. It's hard to see. Especially having decided recently that facebook is not the place for status updates on my uterus and I will not be talking about it there next time. People who need to know will get a phone call or an email from me.

Sigh. Just feeling sad for me, and all my friends trying with me. I just want this to be the month all of us get pregnant!

CD 9

Temp: 97.22

So, had to mark sleep deprived. The twins both woke up crying at 3 am and while DH took care of them we then got kind of horny and DTD again lol! So had to mark it sleep deprived.

I can't believe I am CD 9 already! AF always feels like it takes FOREVER and then it feels like my cycle just flies after that.

Well, until the 2ww lol.

Just a little over a week until I start using the OPKs!

CD 8

Temp: 96.77

As you can see, no more AF! If my AF can stay like this (ok maybe get a LITTLE lighter) I would be very happy!

I did record creamy today. I have been having a lot of CM but it doesn't feel sticky to me. It feels wet and creamy, so that's what I am putting. I might be way off, but I'm trying.

Fighting the urge to start peeing on some OPKs but I am not buying any more for this cycle so the ones I have are the ones I have and if I start testing too early I will run out before I even O. 

I am really really hoping this is it. Baby fever has been bad and I am just so ready to see those 2 pink lines on an HPT!!!

CD 7

Temp: 97.08

Flow: None!

So no spotting or anything so far yet today. That might change because a lot of times I wake up with no spotting or anything and it comes on later in the day. But I am HOPING AF is gone!

Probably will wait until after Monday to DTD but honestly my sex drive is already picking up and I am not sure we will make it past Monday night before we do it lol. I am, like I said, going to start OPKs CD 17. I have a feeling I will O earlier this cycle then last but I figure it won't be super early or anything.

Once more, hoping this is it. DS #1 was 14 months when I conceived the twins and they are 14 months in a few days here. So we'll see!

CD 6

Temp: 97.28

Flow: Spotting!

Thinking, HOPING, there is a good chance that AF will be completely gone by tomorrow! I am just barely spotting right now.

Now to just hope I can control the urge and not POAS until at LEAST CD 17!!

CD 5

Temp: 97.25 (sleep deprived)

Flow: Light!

Today is my 100th post. Kind of sad that 100 posts in and I am still not pregnant. :(

My flow lightened up a lot today. I am hoping it's gone by CD 7 but we'll see. I'd love it to be gone by tomorrow AM but I am not betting on it. Seems like it's becoming a more "normal for me" AF though. Hoping that's a good sign.

Went shopping last night, picked this up:

I had one OPK and one digital left over from the last few cycles so now my stash has 8 OPKs, 7 FRERs, and 3 Digitals. At the rate my luck is going this should last me 6 months or so. Won't start using an OPK until CD 17 and then based on how light or dark the line is see if I need to wait a few more days or go right into daily.

Of course there was only one cashier and they sent me over to customer service, where the cashier was a pregnant woman about 5 months along and her friend was buying her some onesies and two other cashiers were standing there all talking about her pregnancy and who else was pregnant and had just had a baby. I managed to not start crying until I reach the car. Damn AF.

Damn this whole TTC process.

It lead to a pretty restless night. DH woke a few times and held my hand or put his arm around me and it helped but I got less then 2 hours of sleep so I marked sleep deprived.

Ready for AF to be gone for a good long while.