CD 1 - AF

I checked at 11pm last night and it was still just spotting so at least she held off until today to give me an estimate LP of 9 days. Once more, not 100% sure on when I O'd because I did not take my temp.

So I will be temping this cycle after AF but no OPKs.

I think this AF has been a little easier emotionally. I did have a break down but at the same time I was really not expecting to get pregnant. I AM really not expecting to get pregnant, ever. But at the same time I was so sure I wasn't pregnant the cycle with the twins, so I guess I thought well I am so sure I am not pregnant again so I probably will be. I had some promising symptoms but it turned out to be nothing clearly.

So here we are. 11 months. 1 cycle away from my one year mark.

As if that doesn't make me feel bad enough DH's reaction was the worst yet. He had been so sure this would be our month and he didn't believe me at first when I said I wasn't pregnant until I explained I was bleeding. As it sunk in he was just so upset and then he started in with it's probably him, not me, and I tried to explain to him that I am really starting to believe there is scar tissue from the c-section.

We've always had to worry about miscarriages but now to be having trouble even getting pregnant.... I just really can't see it being anything other then the c-section. I know I need to lose weight but I am really not that much over where I was when I conceived the twins so I don't think it's that either, and I appear to be ovulating. IDK. I guess we'll just keep trying and if we are still not pregnant by 2 years post c-section I will go see a Dr about possible scarring issues.

CD 33 - 9 DPO

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pf4A2gLp8BU

AF will be here in full force by tomorrow AM, if not sooner. Right now it's just spotting, but that might change since we have 5 hours and 15 minutes until midnight.

CD 26 - 1 DPO

Here's my latest update:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDl30AW0U38

And I am going off of a V-Day O based on OPKs so I am calling this 1 DPO and I am in my 2 WW!

CD 24

Temp: N/A

OPK: Negative

The top one is 3 minutes (you're not supposed to read until after 5 minutes when it's fully done) and then an hour later on the bottom one.

It doesn't look any darker to me then yesterdays. Sigh. Story of my life.

I am having ton of EWCM right now though.

Ugh I want this so bad. Just ovulate already!!!

CD 23

Temp: N/A

OPK: Negative (almost positive!)

I am SO excited to see the line getting darker! It was getting darker but then CD 21 it went back to being almost negative again. I was so disappointed so I didn't test yesterday. I was not expecting it to be this dark today that's for sure! DTD tonight and hoping I O soon!

CD 20

Temp: N/A

OPK: Negative

Negative but getting darker!!!! I am so excited! Bring on the O this week! I missed my window to have an October baby which sucks but I'll be due early November so those telling me that I am going to be jinxed into a November birthday because it makes the kids' birthdays January, December, November, bring on the jinxing!!

I picked up more OPKs and HPTs as I said I would. So now I have 9 (well now 8, I peed on one today!) OPKs, 3 CBD, and 11 FRER.

I think I'm set, no?

CD 19

Temp: N/A

OPK: Negative

Had probably the best sex of my life last night. I know you needed to know that!

Excited my OPK is a little darker (sorry it looks weird my camera has a macro setting but only if you set it to the automatic function and that one just decides whether or not you can use macro, you can't force it to ugh!) so that made me happy. I am buying more tonight so we'll see if they keep getting darker. Going to test every day now.

CD 18

Temp:  N/A

OPK: Negative.

As you can see I have had to take a break from temping.

Honestly I've been trying to brush it off like I wasn't stressing but I was. I was sinking deeper and deeper into depression and starting out this cycle I spent most days crying.

I just feel done. As you can see above my OPKs are almost completely negative so it's not looking like I am going to ovulate any time soon. If at all. I am so freaking tired of this.

The only positive is with my depression comes a lack of appetite and DH has already told me I look like I am losing weight.

I just do not think this is going to be our month.

Think I might get back to temping on Monday just to confirm O hasn't happened yet and maybe catch it. I am not sure yet though. We'll see.

In other news this is pretty cool:

CD 12

Temp: N/A

I didn't temp today. I was pretty depressed and disheartened last night so I stayed up watching TV and then went to sleep on the couch rather then get up and move too close to temp time. I got enough sleep to temp and I was going to until I woke up to see the clock said 6 am, the time DH is supposed to be at work (an hour and 15 minutes after I normally temp) and I freak out, run upstairs, trip and fall and rip the top of my toenail off, burst into the room, and he tells me he goes in at 8 am this morning so he doesn't have to get up yet.

To say I was pissed is an understatement, ESPECIALLY when before when I'd tried to go to sleep after sex while we laid in bed I had checked that the alarm was set for 4:45 right in front of him and he never said a word! So I did not get to temp.

Because I did not get to temp, and because I don't really even need an excuse to want to POAS I took an OPK to make sure I was not near O time.

Definitely negative. Still probably a week off, or more, from O. Which is not surprising but I was really hoping I would O early. So it was a little disappointing.

Mostly I am looking forward to buying more tests when AF comes. It makes me happy having lots of FRER's to pee on.