Sunday Morning

DH woke me up Sunday morning by saying "let's make a baby" and then he rubbed my stomach over my uterus, like massaged it.

And then we spent the next 2 hours working on that baby! Only bad part is I am probably not fertile yet haha. Still, I just love mornings like that.

Is it weird that I am super hopeful I get pregnant now because I could just feel his happiness and all his positive energy and I am weird and I hope that that does it???

CD 11. Waiting to O.

Temp is super high, normally this would mean pregnancy but I think now it just means my progesterone is increasing well with the b6 so I am happy for that. Hoping it stays this way! Or I get pregnant and don't have to care about progesterone being high enough in my cycle.

AF Is Gone?

So yesterday... nothing. So far this morning (3 1/2 hours in since it's just 3:30 am) nothing.

But I am still having a lot of cramps.

Bah.

AND

The weather is really nice and cool, feels SO good, but my allergies are AWFUL. Like I am sneezing so much my nose keeps bleeding. It's awful. I just want to be able to breathe through my nose!!

I am also completely 100% expecting AF to come in 30ish days. Not betting on getting pregnant this month. At all.

When "When" Becomes "If"

I told a friend tonight "if" we're ever blessed again with a child.

I wasn't even thinking about it.

In fact it didn't hit me until just now, about an hour later.

And I realized. I have given up.

I don't actually feel like it's going to happen any minute now.

I have peed on one stick in 3 months and that was only because I was hoping it would bring AF on (it did), not because I thought it would be positive (it wasn't).

I had a dream awhile ago. I told a few friends about. But I told them a different version. The version I told them went like this:

I peed on a stick, it was positive. It was only half as dark as the control line and I showed my mom and she was SO happy. Jumping up and down and just thrilled. I peed on 3 more with DH there and he was so happy and each test would be twice as dark as the last.

And then DH woke me up and dream over.

But this is how the dream really went:

I was bleeding and I peed on a stick. It came up half as dark as the control line but I showed my mom and she was really happy. I told DH and I peed on 3 more. Each was darker then the next and as I laid the 3 down on the counter next to the first one (so it was 4 in a row) there was so much blood on them that I had to wipe away the blood to even see the result. I kept saying "but I'm bleeding" and DH in my dream kept saying "but look how dark they are!".

And then DH woke me up.

Maybe I am reading too much into it but I felt like each test symbolized a miscarriage. Now it could be argued that me and DH already had 4 so maybe that was it. Or it could mean 4 in a row since I laid them all out in a row which means I am in for one more.

Or it could mean I am in for 4 more.

Or it could just be a dream and I am reading way too much into it.

Cycle #8. Just seems way too close to 1 year. :(

CD 1 - AF

I am going to count this as day 1 since this is the first definite flow I have had. No ovulation last month.

And now, officially -

On to cycle 8...

Spotting

Honestly after the scare with DD #1 I can't be too devastated to see spotting and signs of AF.

I am just so thankful she is going to be ok.

But it still really sucks that not only did I not ovulate but yet another month has gone by with no chance to even get excited and buy tests.

I know AF is not here yet but I really feel like this is probably her so we'll see.

Looks like this was not lucky #7. :(