CD 35 - Teased

About a week ago I decided to POAS late at night. I'd been feeling pregnant despite wonky temps but I didn't honestly expect to get a line.

Except I did. Very faint, but both DH and I could see a line within the 5 minute mark. I took a picture around the 10 minute mark and sent it to 2 friends, who also saw a line.

I opened it up and there was no indent line. I thought this might finally be it.

But the next few days all other tests were negative. I expected the worst, another miscarriage, and yet here I am, a week later with no spotting or bleeding or anything.

I really thought that the girls saying they were getting lines without indents were just looking at the tests too long out of the time window. But no, FRER is indeed throwing out false positives.

Here is a picture of the test today to show you how dark the second line was:

So it was super disappointing that we got fooled, but at the same time I am glad it was not another loss.

We have decided NOT to take a break, but to keep trying.

We're moving this weekend and we haven't decided when we want to set up the new internet so who knows when you will see me next.

My 1 year mark is April 8th and it is beyond annoying that I probably won't even be on my 12th cycle by the time my 12th month of TTC completes. Most women get more chances to try because they have short or regular cycles. Having long cycles and TTC the same amount of time but with less tries to get pregnant is beyond aggravating.

CD 20

Temp: N/A

OPK: Negative

Negative but getting darker!!!! I am so excited! Bring on the O this week! I missed my window to have an October baby which sucks but I'll be due early November so those telling me that I am going to be jinxed into a November birthday because it makes the kids' birthdays January, December, November, bring on the jinxing!!

I picked up more OPKs and HPTs as I said I would. So now I have 9 (well now 8, I peed on one today!) OPKs, 3 CBD, and 11 FRER.

I think I'm set, no?

CD 5

Temp: 97.25 (sleep deprived)

Flow: Light!

Today is my 100th post. Kind of sad that 100 posts in and I am still not pregnant. :(

My flow lightened up a lot today. I am hoping it's gone by CD 7 but we'll see. I'd love it to be gone by tomorrow AM but I am not betting on it. Seems like it's becoming a more "normal for me" AF though. Hoping that's a good sign.

Went shopping last night, picked this up:

I had one OPK and one digital left over from the last few cycles so now my stash has 8 OPKs, 7 FRERs, and 3 Digitals. At the rate my luck is going this should last me 6 months or so. Won't start using an OPK until CD 17 and then based on how light or dark the line is see if I need to wait a few more days or go right into daily.

Of course there was only one cashier and they sent me over to customer service, where the cashier was a pregnant woman about 5 months along and her friend was buying her some onesies and two other cashiers were standing there all talking about her pregnancy and who else was pregnant and had just had a baby. I managed to not start crying until I reach the car. Damn AF.

Damn this whole TTC process.

It lead to a pretty restless night. DH woke a few times and held my hand or put his arm around me and it helped but I got less then 2 hours of sleep so I marked sleep deprived.

Ready for AF to be gone for a good long while.

CD 37 - 10 DPO

Temp: 97.54

Symptoms:
Tons and tons of CM pouring out of me.
Cramps.
Irritability.
Mild nausea.

As you can see I caved and tested. Because yay late, no spotting! So my temp dropped, dropped the day I got a BFP with the twins! So why not?!

BFN. Clearly, 100%, not so much as an evap or indent. BFuckingN.

The cramps have picked up, like I said still no spotting, even after some vigorous sex.

I am just feeling very out right now. DH is feeling very negative about this. Says he can't take seeing me break down like this every month and he's thinking he wants to be done. We talked a little about it but nothing decided yet. I might push through until our 1 year mark and if we're still not pregnant then just stop charting and stop thinking about it.

I hate this.

Expecting AF tonight.

Another Miscarriage?

I feel so broken right now. So unbelievably hurt and... I don't even know how to put it into words.

Today's test was not any darker then yesterday's. Say what you want, but I've been down this road more then once. If I am not getting a clear line by now it's just a matter of time before I start bleeding.

DH wants to start trying right away again. He teared up when I showed him the test. Part of me wants to try again for him and part of me wants to just give up.

It's not fair. It's not fair.

I'm Pregnant!

10 DPO - BFP?!

I guess we'll find out.