And Again

Remember this?

It happened again.

She is due when I was due with my first miscarriage since the twins.

And now another cousin's girlfriend, whose child is not 1 yet, just announced they are expecting in April.

You know, the month I was due in before my miscarriage a little over a month ago?

I try so hard not to be bitter and mean. That's not who I want to be.

But it really hurts. Why couldn't that be me? Why do I miscarry and my cousins and their wives don't?

It isn't fair.

I just want to be pregnant again. I want to bring another beautiful soul into our family. I want to give my kids another sibling to grow with.

I feel like a complete failure that I can't do this now.

10/17

I am pretty excited because the date 10/17 keeps popping up and I feel like it's a sign maybe? Or maybe the date keeps popping up and I am just crazy thinking I see signs.

AF is still in town. A little odd to have it be this heavy this long, especially with all the bleeding I did last month. I just hope I am not in for a ton of bleeding this cycle and that AF sees herself out asap!

AF

On to cycle #6.

When To Test?

I have been asked a few times when I will test since I am not temping and won't know when AF is set to show.

According to my average cycle length, 29 days, that would be around October 10th. But my longest cycle was 38 days. So I decided to be safe, if AF has not arrived by CD 40 then I will test. That would be October 21st.

So there you have it, more then a month away from possibly testing. Now if I start throwing up around the second week of October I might just test to see. But if I feel nothing I will just wait out AF. I imagine she'll arrive right on time though.

Ow

Thought I was doing better.

Not sure how a little thing like an unplanned BFP can hurt so bad.

But it does. It really really does.

God I hate this.