CD 22 - A Break

Oh boy. The last few days. Let me tell you.

DH came to me and told me after this cycle he no longer wanted to continue TTC.

At first I was so angry. This completely blindsided me and I did not know where it was coming from.

When I finally calmed down and we talked about it he explained he wanted to wait until we were done moving and settled in and knew how much his raise he just got was (we find out Thursday, they won't tell them ahead of time because they don't want people comparing raises).

We decided to for sure take next cycle off.

Even though I am only 11 cycles in, thanks to long cycles I am about to hit my 1 year mark off TTC. 12 months, 11 cycles, 1 miscarriage.

Really really shitty numbers.

And as much as I hate to admit defeat and stop trying, I think we do need a break. My mom is coming out to give us a little break to be a couple and go do fun stuff while we have a baby sitter.

While there is still a chance I am could be pregnant (I think I am in the 2ww now based on CM but I haven't been temping) I am not holding my breath. I full expect to hit the one year mark of TTC not even pregnant.

So that's what is going on right now.

CD 33 - 9 DPO

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pf4A2gLp8BU

AF will be here in full force by tomorrow AM, if not sooner. Right now it's just spotting, but that might change since we have 5 hours and 15 minutes until midnight.

CD 26 - 1 DPO

Here's my latest update:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDl30AW0U38

And I am going off of a V-Day O based on OPKs so I am calling this 1 DPO and I am in my 2 WW!

CD 31 - 4 DPO

Temp was 97.8. FF gave me SOLID crosshairs. It seems pretty sure of itself.

We shall see!!

I am too afraid to get hopeful but I'd be very happy if this was really ovulation and I have a real shot this cycle at getting pregnant!!

CD 30

I give up.

Temp 97.62. Don't get excited, I woke up really hot and asked Rob to turn the A/C on so that's probably why it's up a little.

OPK was way more negative then yesterday. It's barely there.

I am so tired of getting my hopes up only to have them come crashing down.

I don't even know what to do anymore. Failing at TTC is having a very negative impact on me right now, I'm becoming more and more depressed as each month goes by.

But not trying won't solve it. I am depressed BECAUSE I am not getting pregnant. I don't want it to be like this but not trying won't change how I feel either. IDK.

Thinking next month I may just write my temps down on paper and not plug them into FF or do CM checks or anything else like that and just try not to think about it. Might even just shut off FB for awhile too so I don't have to see all the pregnancy announcements.

CD 29

Ok so I did not temp. I had a hard time sleeping last night.

Honestly I am feeling like AF is coming but I decided to take another OPK tonight anyway.

Yay for darker! Maybe I might actually ovulate in a bit here!

Today's OPK

Negative.

CD 28

Temp was 97.32.

More oops BFPs going around.

I am so done with this whole fucking process.

And I have been recording this EWCM because it's like the best EWCM I've ever had without mucinex.

CD 11 Ovulation?

Well FF sure thinks I O'd on CD 11 anyway!

2 Week Wait

Ok so 99% sure I O'd on CD 18 based on CM and cramping. Been awful about temping this month though.

5 DPO

Ok so I am calling Sunday O day until proven otherwise!

Sometimes I am like , wow 5 DPO already? And yet at the same time I am dying to test!!!

Honestly my gut feeling is AF will show, and I will not be pregnant.

I am ok with that. It's in God's hands.

But if I am pregnant? I want to know now!!

So excited!

Thursday. Come on Thursday!

1 Or 2 DPO

Well I didn't expect there to be a possiblity this month!

BUT, here we are, and I am so excited!

OPK's did NOT work this month, not sure why, but they just failed. My last one was a few days ago and it was almost negative. However I took it when I hadn't peed in like 8 hours so maybe that threw it off? They say no FMU and while it wasn't FMU it was still a long time since the last time I peed.

Regardless, SURPRISE! I ovulated lol.

Part of me is like, it took 3 months with the twins, don't get excited, but another part is like it's April, of course I will get pregnant in April! I have the last 3 years in a row!

I guess we'll see in a week!