CD 33 - 9 DPO

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pf4A2gLp8BU

AF will be here in full force by tomorrow AM, if not sooner. Right now it's just spotting, but that might change since we have 5 hours and 15 minutes until midnight.

CD 26 - 1 DPO

Here's my latest update:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDl30AW0U38

And I am going off of a V-Day O based on OPKs so I am calling this 1 DPO and I am in my 2 WW!

CD 24

Temp: N/A

OPK: Negative

The top one is 3 minutes (you're not supposed to read until after 5 minutes when it's fully done) and then an hour later on the bottom one.

It doesn't look any darker to me then yesterdays. Sigh. Story of my life.

I am having ton of EWCM right now though.

Ugh I want this so bad. Just ovulate already!!!

CD 23

Temp: N/A

OPK: Negative (almost positive!)

I am SO excited to see the line getting darker! It was getting darker but then CD 21 it went back to being almost negative again. I was so disappointed so I didn't test yesterday. I was not expecting it to be this dark today that's for sure! DTD tonight and hoping I O soon!

CD 20

Temp: N/A

OPK: Negative

Negative but getting darker!!!! I am so excited! Bring on the O this week! I missed my window to have an October baby which sucks but I'll be due early November so those telling me that I am going to be jinxed into a November birthday because it makes the kids' birthdays January, December, November, bring on the jinxing!!

I picked up more OPKs and HPTs as I said I would. So now I have 9 (well now 8, I peed on one today!) OPKs, 3 CBD, and 11 FRER.

I think I'm set, no?

CD 19

Temp: N/A

OPK: Negative

Had probably the best sex of my life last night. I know you needed to know that!

Excited my OPK is a little darker (sorry it looks weird my camera has a macro setting but only if you set it to the automatic function and that one just decides whether or not you can use macro, you can't force it to ugh!) so that made me happy. I am buying more tonight so we'll see if they keep getting darker. Going to test every day now.

CD 18

Temp:  N/A

OPK: Negative.

As you can see I have had to take a break from temping.

Honestly I've been trying to brush it off like I wasn't stressing but I was. I was sinking deeper and deeper into depression and starting out this cycle I spent most days crying.

I just feel done. As you can see above my OPKs are almost completely negative so it's not looking like I am going to ovulate any time soon. If at all. I am so freaking tired of this.

The only positive is with my depression comes a lack of appetite and DH has already told me I look like I am losing weight.

I just do not think this is going to be our month.

Think I might get back to temping on Monday just to confirm O hasn't happened yet and maybe catch it. I am not sure yet though. We'll see.

In other news this is pretty cool:

CD 12

Temp: N/A

I didn't temp today. I was pretty depressed and disheartened last night so I stayed up watching TV and then went to sleep on the couch rather then get up and move too close to temp time. I got enough sleep to temp and I was going to until I woke up to see the clock said 6 am, the time DH is supposed to be at work (an hour and 15 minutes after I normally temp) and I freak out, run upstairs, trip and fall and rip the top of my toenail off, burst into the room, and he tells me he goes in at 8 am this morning so he doesn't have to get up yet.

To say I was pissed is an understatement, ESPECIALLY when before when I'd tried to go to sleep after sex while we laid in bed I had checked that the alarm was set for 4:45 right in front of him and he never said a word! So I did not get to temp.

Because I did not get to temp, and because I don't really even need an excuse to want to POAS I took an OPK to make sure I was not near O time.

Definitely negative. Still probably a week off, or more, from O. Which is not surprising but I was really hoping I would O early. So it was a little disappointing.

Mostly I am looking forward to buying more tests when AF comes. It makes me happy having lots of FRER's to pee on.

CD 11

Temp: 97.42

So I've been having LOTS of cramping. Battling a bad migraine the last few days. It's left me pretty worn down and miserable.

I am not 100% sure my temp is right. It's still about right for my pre-o temps last cycle but when the alarm went off I was so tired and out of it from the migraine and that I grabbed the phone instead of the alarm clock and sat there trying to turn off the alarm and started panicking that I couldn't make it stop and I ended up yelling at DH, "I can't get the alarm to turn off!!!"

And he basically was like you're a moron lol. Isn't he sweet?

So I took my temp after that. I hadn't like gotten up out of bed but I do think I raised my temp by raising my heart rate from the panic lol. So I am calling it valid but won't be surprised if it drops again tomorrow. I am thinking I might take an OPK CD 14 because I have been having a feeling that I will ovulate early this cycle but then I think I should just wait until CD 17 because of course I am not going to ovulate early.

So we'll see how I feel Sunday. If I am having any fertile CM around then. Right now it's pretty much either sticky or creamy but unless it's clear to me I am not going to record it.

CD 10

Temp: 97.05

Honestly I am not feeling it this month. I've already cried a few times. I am feeling disheartened by the whole thing.

I really just want to give up.

I am starting to feel like if this cycle isn't it then I am done. No more temping/tracking. No more trying. Just not going to use any birth control.

Part of me wants to keep temping a few cycle but part of me is just so over this process.

I haven't seen many friends announce pregnancies the last few days but here come the every facebook status is about their pregnancy part. It's hard to see. Especially having decided recently that facebook is not the place for status updates on my uterus and I will not be talking about it there next time. People who need to know will get a phone call or an email from me.

Sigh. Just feeling sad for me, and all my friends trying with me. I just want this to be the month all of us get pregnant!

CD 9

Temp: 97.22

So, had to mark sleep deprived. The twins both woke up crying at 3 am and while DH took care of them we then got kind of horny and DTD again lol! So had to mark it sleep deprived.

I can't believe I am CD 9 already! AF always feels like it takes FOREVER and then it feels like my cycle just flies after that.

Well, until the 2ww lol.

Just a little over a week until I start using the OPKs!

CD 8

Temp: 96.77

As you can see, no more AF! If my AF can stay like this (ok maybe get a LITTLE lighter) I would be very happy!

I did record creamy today. I have been having a lot of CM but it doesn't feel sticky to me. It feels wet and creamy, so that's what I am putting. I might be way off, but I'm trying.

Fighting the urge to start peeing on some OPKs but I am not buying any more for this cycle so the ones I have are the ones I have and if I start testing too early I will run out before I even O. 

I am really really hoping this is it. Baby fever has been bad and I am just so ready to see those 2 pink lines on an HPT!!!

CD 7

Temp: 97.08

Flow: None!

So no spotting or anything so far yet today. That might change because a lot of times I wake up with no spotting or anything and it comes on later in the day. But I am HOPING AF is gone!

Probably will wait until after Monday to DTD but honestly my sex drive is already picking up and I am not sure we will make it past Monday night before we do it lol. I am, like I said, going to start OPKs CD 17. I have a feeling I will O earlier this cycle then last but I figure it won't be super early or anything.

Once more, hoping this is it. DS #1 was 14 months when I conceived the twins and they are 14 months in a few days here. So we'll see!

CD 6

Temp: 97.28

Flow: Spotting!

Thinking, HOPING, there is a good chance that AF will be completely gone by tomorrow! I am just barely spotting right now.

Now to just hope I can control the urge and not POAS until at LEAST CD 17!!

CD 5

Temp: 97.25 (sleep deprived)

Flow: Light!

Today is my 100th post. Kind of sad that 100 posts in and I am still not pregnant. :(

My flow lightened up a lot today. I am hoping it's gone by CD 7 but we'll see. I'd love it to be gone by tomorrow AM but I am not betting on it. Seems like it's becoming a more "normal for me" AF though. Hoping that's a good sign.

Went shopping last night, picked this up:

I had one OPK and one digital left over from the last few cycles so now my stash has 8 OPKs, 7 FRERs, and 3 Digitals. At the rate my luck is going this should last me 6 months or so. Won't start using an OPK until CD 17 and then based on how light or dark the line is see if I need to wait a few more days or go right into daily.

Of course there was only one cashier and they sent me over to customer service, where the cashier was a pregnant woman about 5 months along and her friend was buying her some onesies and two other cashiers were standing there all talking about her pregnancy and who else was pregnant and had just had a baby. I managed to not start crying until I reach the car. Damn AF.

Damn this whole TTC process.

It lead to a pretty restless night. DH woke a few times and held my hand or put his arm around me and it helped but I got less then 2 hours of sleep so I marked sleep deprived.

Ready for AF to be gone for a good long while.

CD 4

Temp: 97.25

Flow: Heavy

So I am still marking the flow as heavy but it's much lighter then yesterday and I barely bled during the night so no morning gush which was nice lol.

Fighting off a migraine this morning. Going to buy more HPTs and OPKs tonight but I won't start using the OPKs until CD 18. I am kind of hoping I end up O'ing before that but, not counting on it.

I want this so bad, very relieved to know DH still wants it, happy to be trying, BUT...

I just don't think this will be my month.

CD 3

Temp: 97.1

Flow: Heavy.

My flow was very very heavy this morning. Woke up and stood up and it all poured out of me. After that though it slowed down a lot. It's still heavy but not soak my clothes gushes like the chemical last cycle. Also not passing big clots like last time. Almost no cramps at all which is nice.

Hoping it's a much shorter AF visit this month and a much earlier O.

Infertility After C-sections

A friend in a VBAC group I am in told me an OB recently said scar tissue (adhesions) after a c-section were the #1 known cause of secondary infertility.

I found a good article I will link here but if you don't want to read the technical talk here is the most important part:

13/204 (6.4%) of women who underwent cesarean section developed secondary infertility compared with 5/224 (2.2%) of those with a vaginal delivery (p0.06). 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3618689

Those odds are AFTER taking out all women who used birth control, and all woman who'd previously dealt with infertility.

We're talking about going in for testing to see if I have scarring or adhesions or anything from my c-section causing us to be unable to conceive. But for now we'll just continue trying and hopefully it's just my body being stubborn and I will conceive soon.

CD 2

Temp: 97.05

Flow: Heavy.

Talked to DH about trying vs not trying. He said he didn't want to stop trying. He said he'd just been worried HE had been putting too much pressure on ME and stressing me out. But once I explained that I felt better trying, even when cycles failed, then I would not trying at all, he felt better about moving forward.

Right now all we are going to do is temp and I am going to try increasing my folic acid and continue trying to find some vitex. I have some errands to run on Thursday so I will probably do it then if AF isn't too bad.

I just don't even know what else to say at this point. Really at the point where AF doesn't surprise me, but I still get so hopeful and want it so bad every month. I wish I could get to a point where I don't get hopeful but I am not sure that point exists. The fact that I have just 2 cycles left (the one I am currently on and the next one) before the one year mark just makes me so depressed. I never though I'd get this close, I never thought I'd hit a year. And now, I might. It's no longer a far off thing.

It's here.

My heart hurts so much right now. I just want to hide from the world and turn off facebook and everything.

CD 1

Temp: N/A

I started spotting around 1 am. I didn't get much sleep after that so my temp was really high (I was also having bad bad heartburn again and some stomach acid came up while temping) so I am calling that inaccurate and not putting it in.

By the time I got up for the morning I pretty much knew it was over but I was praying it might be implantation spotting with that high temp and maybe it was accurate.

But no. I am definitely having a light flow. AF is here. Giving me a 10 day LP last cycle like normal.

Crushed doesn't even begin to describe it.