CD 20

Enough is enough.

I had a really bad night last night. The one BFP announcement I had been dreading the most, happened.

I am not even going to get into that here.

Point is once I managed to stop crying long enough to think straight, I decided.

I am done.

It's time to get serious. I will not reach my one year mark having not had one cycle where I really, really, gave it my all.

So if I still haven't ovulated by payday it's time to get serious. Going to go buy OPKs, vitex, and more pregnancy tests.

Going to take the prenatals, vitex, and yes the dreaded B6 again. Going to buy a new brand though and hope it doesn't smell nearly as bad! (Avoid NatureMade B6!!!!)

Here we go, time to get serious.

Well, if my body cooperates that is.

I was saying last night it felt like AF was coming. Cramps, moodiness, chocolate cravings. All very much AF signs for me.

This morning my temp was 96.3.

I am not even so much as spotting, which after sex is really good considering the past few months. Especially since it was pretty... well.... vigorous haha! I needed something after the bad news and I don't drink so sex it is!

Either I am having a super ovulation or more likely my body is just trying to regulate and drop all the residual hormones from the loss.

Or it could even be the fact that it was cold last night and I woke up out of the covers. (I oral temp, and sleep with my mouth open.)

We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Sigh.

More Limbo

DTD night before last and woke up to a lot of brown CM. Had to wipe 3-4 times to get all the brown CM clear of me. I thought for sure this was a sign it was over and waited for the rest of the bleeding to start.

Only it didn't.

I had taken a $1 test and it came out negative. Think maybe there was a shadow on it but maybe that was wishful thinking? The FRER was positive. About as dark as yesterday but I think less pink?

Sigh.

I am not going to test again until Tuesday. Wednesday makes a week since my first line so if nothing has changed and darkened a week later I am in trouble.

All my symptoms but being tired have gone. But that could be explained by my lack of caffeine and awful sleeping habits of late.

Oh and lots and lots of cramping.

Feeling Better

I hope this post isn't followed by one about how stupid I was for writing this post.

I am feeling pretty hopeful right now. The lines are getting darker, they are really there, that's all that matters right now.

Bloating super bad right now so I have this big ole bump. Even bigger then when I took my official 4 weeks picture earlier.

Yeah, it's gross but it's not a real bump, it's just bloat, so it's not supposed to be pretty.

It's really hitting me tonight that I am pregnant again. It feels so weird.

Please God let me be bringing home a healthy baby in April!

Limbo - 13 DPO

I don't feel pregnant. I think this is what makes me feel so worried.

I wish I knew how the start of my pregnancies felt but I can't remember and I didn't blog about early pregnancy. So even though I am not sure I am even really going to have a healthy pregnancy, here it goes.

I am exhausted. That is the biggest thing. I can sleep a solid 12 hours at night and still want to nap with the kids.

I get heartburn immediately after eating, no matter what I ate.

I have had on and off nausea, even throwing up twice so far.

Lots of bowel problems. I am either constipated or running to the bathroom.

I am terrified. I am going to the bathroom every hour just to check for blood. I know stress isn't good and I promise I am not stressing as much as it seems, but that walk down the hall to the bathroom I am telling myself in my head to expect blood.

Tomorrow I am 4 weeks. 36 more to go. Right?