CD 11

Temp: 97.42

So I've been having LOTS of cramping. Battling a bad migraine the last few days. It's left me pretty worn down and miserable.

I am not 100% sure my temp is right. It's still about right for my pre-o temps last cycle but when the alarm went off I was so tired and out of it from the migraine and that I grabbed the phone instead of the alarm clock and sat there trying to turn off the alarm and started panicking that I couldn't make it stop and I ended up yelling at DH, "I can't get the alarm to turn off!!!"

And he basically was like you're a moron lol. Isn't he sweet?

So I took my temp after that. I hadn't like gotten up out of bed but I do think I raised my temp by raising my heart rate from the panic lol. So I am calling it valid but won't be surprised if it drops again tomorrow. I am thinking I might take an OPK CD 14 because I have been having a feeling that I will ovulate early this cycle but then I think I should just wait until CD 17 because of course I am not going to ovulate early.

So we'll see how I feel Sunday. If I am having any fertile CM around then. Right now it's pretty much either sticky or creamy but unless it's clear to me I am not going to record it.

CD 10

Temp: 97.05

Honestly I am not feeling it this month. I've already cried a few times. I am feeling disheartened by the whole thing.

I really just want to give up.

I am starting to feel like if this cycle isn't it then I am done. No more temping/tracking. No more trying. Just not going to use any birth control.

Part of me wants to keep temping a few cycle but part of me is just so over this process.

I haven't seen many friends announce pregnancies the last few days but here come the every facebook status is about their pregnancy part. It's hard to see. Especially having decided recently that facebook is not the place for status updates on my uterus and I will not be talking about it there next time. People who need to know will get a phone call or an email from me.

Sigh. Just feeling sad for me, and all my friends trying with me. I just want this to be the month all of us get pregnant!

CD 9

Temp: 97.22

So, had to mark sleep deprived. The twins both woke up crying at 3 am and while DH took care of them we then got kind of horny and DTD again lol! So had to mark it sleep deprived.

I can't believe I am CD 9 already! AF always feels like it takes FOREVER and then it feels like my cycle just flies after that.

Well, until the 2ww lol.

Just a little over a week until I start using the OPKs!

CD 8

Temp: 96.77

As you can see, no more AF! If my AF can stay like this (ok maybe get a LITTLE lighter) I would be very happy!

I did record creamy today. I have been having a lot of CM but it doesn't feel sticky to me. It feels wet and creamy, so that's what I am putting. I might be way off, but I'm trying.

Fighting the urge to start peeing on some OPKs but I am not buying any more for this cycle so the ones I have are the ones I have and if I start testing too early I will run out before I even O. 

I am really really hoping this is it. Baby fever has been bad and I am just so ready to see those 2 pink lines on an HPT!!!

CD 7

Temp: 97.08

Flow: None!

So no spotting or anything so far yet today. That might change because a lot of times I wake up with no spotting or anything and it comes on later in the day. But I am HOPING AF is gone!

Probably will wait until after Monday to DTD but honestly my sex drive is already picking up and I am not sure we will make it past Monday night before we do it lol. I am, like I said, going to start OPKs CD 17. I have a feeling I will O earlier this cycle then last but I figure it won't be super early or anything.

Once more, hoping this is it. DS #1 was 14 months when I conceived the twins and they are 14 months in a few days here. So we'll see!

CD 6

Temp: 97.28

Flow: Spotting!

Thinking, HOPING, there is a good chance that AF will be completely gone by tomorrow! I am just barely spotting right now.

Now to just hope I can control the urge and not POAS until at LEAST CD 17!!

CD 5

Temp: 97.25 (sleep deprived)

Flow: Light!

Today is my 100th post. Kind of sad that 100 posts in and I am still not pregnant. :(

My flow lightened up a lot today. I am hoping it's gone by CD 7 but we'll see. I'd love it to be gone by tomorrow AM but I am not betting on it. Seems like it's becoming a more "normal for me" AF though. Hoping that's a good sign.

Went shopping last night, picked this up:

I had one OPK and one digital left over from the last few cycles so now my stash has 8 OPKs, 7 FRERs, and 3 Digitals. At the rate my luck is going this should last me 6 months or so. Won't start using an OPK until CD 17 and then based on how light or dark the line is see if I need to wait a few more days or go right into daily.

Of course there was only one cashier and they sent me over to customer service, where the cashier was a pregnant woman about 5 months along and her friend was buying her some onesies and two other cashiers were standing there all talking about her pregnancy and who else was pregnant and had just had a baby. I managed to not start crying until I reach the car. Damn AF.

Damn this whole TTC process.

It lead to a pretty restless night. DH woke a few times and held my hand or put his arm around me and it helped but I got less then 2 hours of sleep so I marked sleep deprived.

Ready for AF to be gone for a good long while.

CD 4

Temp: 97.25

Flow: Heavy

So I am still marking the flow as heavy but it's much lighter then yesterday and I barely bled during the night so no morning gush which was nice lol.

Fighting off a migraine this morning. Going to buy more HPTs and OPKs tonight but I won't start using the OPKs until CD 18. I am kind of hoping I end up O'ing before that but, not counting on it.

I want this so bad, very relieved to know DH still wants it, happy to be trying, BUT...

I just don't think this will be my month.

CD 3

Temp: 97.1

Flow: Heavy.

My flow was very very heavy this morning. Woke up and stood up and it all poured out of me. After that though it slowed down a lot. It's still heavy but not soak my clothes gushes like the chemical last cycle. Also not passing big clots like last time. Almost no cramps at all which is nice.

Hoping it's a much shorter AF visit this month and a much earlier O.

Infertility After C-sections

A friend in a VBAC group I am in told me an OB recently said scar tissue (adhesions) after a c-section were the #1 known cause of secondary infertility.

I found a good article I will link here but if you don't want to read the technical talk here is the most important part:

13/204 (6.4%) of women who underwent cesarean section developed secondary infertility compared with 5/224 (2.2%) of those with a vaginal delivery (p0.06). 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/3618689

Those odds are AFTER taking out all women who used birth control, and all woman who'd previously dealt with infertility.

We're talking about going in for testing to see if I have scarring or adhesions or anything from my c-section causing us to be unable to conceive. But for now we'll just continue trying and hopefully it's just my body being stubborn and I will conceive soon.

CD 2

Temp: 97.05

Flow: Heavy.

Talked to DH about trying vs not trying. He said he didn't want to stop trying. He said he'd just been worried HE had been putting too much pressure on ME and stressing me out. But once I explained that I felt better trying, even when cycles failed, then I would not trying at all, he felt better about moving forward.

Right now all we are going to do is temp and I am going to try increasing my folic acid and continue trying to find some vitex. I have some errands to run on Thursday so I will probably do it then if AF isn't too bad.

I just don't even know what else to say at this point. Really at the point where AF doesn't surprise me, but I still get so hopeful and want it so bad every month. I wish I could get to a point where I don't get hopeful but I am not sure that point exists. The fact that I have just 2 cycles left (the one I am currently on and the next one) before the one year mark just makes me so depressed. I never though I'd get this close, I never thought I'd hit a year. And now, I might. It's no longer a far off thing.

It's here.

My heart hurts so much right now. I just want to hide from the world and turn off facebook and everything.

CD 1

Temp: N/A

I started spotting around 1 am. I didn't get much sleep after that so my temp was really high (I was also having bad bad heartburn again and some stomach acid came up while temping) so I am calling that inaccurate and not putting it in.

By the time I got up for the morning I pretty much knew it was over but I was praying it might be implantation spotting with that high temp and maybe it was accurate.

But no. I am definitely having a light flow. AF is here. Giving me a 10 day LP last cycle like normal.

Crushed doesn't even begin to describe it.

CD 37 - 10 DPO

Temp: 97.54

Symptoms:
Tons and tons of CM pouring out of me.
Cramps.
Irritability.
Mild nausea.

As you can see I caved and tested. Because yay late, no spotting! So my temp dropped, dropped the day I got a BFP with the twins! So why not?!

BFN. Clearly, 100%, not so much as an evap or indent. BFuckingN.

The cramps have picked up, like I said still no spotting, even after some vigorous sex.

I am just feeling very out right now. DH is feeling very negative about this. Says he can't take seeing me break down like this every month and he's thinking he wants to be done. We talked a little about it but nothing decided yet. I might push through until our 1 year mark and if we're still not pregnant then just stop charting and stop thinking about it.

I hate this.

Expecting AF tonight.

Late

I am officially late.....

....

...

...!

CD 36 - 9 DPO

Temp: 97.74

Symptoms:
Mild nausea.
Mild heartburn.
Full veiny boobs.
Headache.
Irritability (probably due to this damn headache).
Bloated.

Still no spotting but I am just not feeling hopeful with that dip. I know it's not a huge one but it's more then I wanted to see. I just can't get past the fear that AF is messing with me and just going to be a few days late.

Can I fast forward to tomorrow morning please?

AF is due tonight.

CD 35 - 8 DPO

Temp: 98

Symptoms:
Honestly if I am not pregnant have me committed.
Nausea, so bad I am wearing my seabands and have only been able to keep down crackers today. Gagging over everything.
Heartburn, so bad not even tums is touching it.
Bloated.
Minimal cramping. So far just once today.
Gassy.
DH claims smell sensitivity. I still maintain an animal must have died outside our window last night.

Chart is triphasic. Doesn't always mean pregnancy but I am hopeful.

No spotting at all right now, even after SEX, and trust me I am checking! I am also having these sharp zings on my cervix. Not sure what is up with that. Also still having lots of CM.

Let this be it!!!!!!!!!

CD 34 - 7 DPO

Temp: 97.94

Symptoms:
Cramps
Sore boobs/nipples
Nausea (gagging)
Heartburn
Irritability
Increase in CM
DH says I have super veiny boobs right now

I was excited at first about the temp rise until I opened my mouth about it to a friend and I remembered just how stupid I was being. The rise means nothing, I am not going to be pregnant.

We almost DTD last night but it was late and I needed to temp and then I got bad heartburn when I woke up in the morning so we have a date to do it tonight. Figured not only should we get it in before AF comes but also DTD always brings on spotting when AF is about to show so that will be a nice reminder that I am not in fact going to get pregnant this cycle. No spotting today.

CD 33 - 6 DPO

Temp this morning was 97.58.

Symptoms: Skin break out, sore nipples, heartburn, and lower back ache. Felt some weird cervical twinges last night and then started cramping but the cramping didn't last long and is gone now. All of these are still AF signs for me and last night I was craving chocolate.

My dad sent me chocolate covered almonds for Christmas but I don't like almonds so I was kind of like thanks... but he told me to try them because they are the best thing ever and sure enough, they taste like solid hot chocolate with some crunch in the middle! I am not a big chocolate lover so I can't handle more then 5 or 6 at a time, but they are very very good. Even my husband likes them and he doesn't like chocolate or nuts (are we not made for each other or what? Well except he prefers ice cream and I can't tolerate real ice cream lol).

I took a smaller screen shot today because the pictures were getting too big for my blog and when I resize them they come out blurry (you might have noticed that on yesterday's post).

I just took it from when I started temping. You can refer back to the other charts if you feel like you need another reminder at how freaking long my bleeding was!

Still definitely thinking I ovulated. Even though today's temp is .02 less then yesterdays it's still higher then my highest LP temp (I don't count the ones during AF because they fluctuate with the progesterone levels going down). And really, .02 is not a huge difference from yesterday either. Appears most all my 2/1ww temps are hovering around the same.

I'd still love a nice temp rise though body! Because a little egg is snuggling in, not because you want to be an ass and get my hopes up!!

CD 32 - 5 DPO

 I definitely ovulated!! I was worried maybe I'd had restless sleep and it caused my temp to go up (not getting enough sleep really effects my temps). But I had a BAD, like if I moved I puked (among other gross things) stomach flu yesterday and I was in bed all day, and still slept all night. Probably helped that I kicked my husband out to sleep on the air mattress and had the bed to myself! ;)

Temp this morning was 97.6!

I won't test until I hit 12 DPO (my LP has never been longer then 12 days and lately it's been 8 so I have a good shot at being pregnant if I reach that) so I am officially in the 1WW!

Right now I feel more like AF is coming then anything. I am PMSing pretty bad and DD #1's screeching is driving me to insanity. Let this next one be a boy, PLEASE!

Just kidding, I'll take whatever I can get! Even if that means several girls (but really God, please just one at a time this time, please?)!

I currently have just one FRER and on CBD HPT in the house right now and I don't want to line squint so if the CBD is negative at 12 dpo I won't take another HPT until it is or until AF shows.

Please let this be our month!!!!

CD 31 - 4 DPO

Temp was 97.8. FF gave me SOLID crosshairs. It seems pretty sure of itself.

We shall see!!

I am too afraid to get hopeful but I'd be very happy if this was really ovulation and I have a real shot this cycle at getting pregnant!!

CD 30

I give up.

Temp 97.62. Don't get excited, I woke up really hot and asked Rob to turn the A/C on so that's probably why it's up a little.

OPK was way more negative then yesterday. It's barely there.

I am so tired of getting my hopes up only to have them come crashing down.

I don't even know what to do anymore. Failing at TTC is having a very negative impact on me right now, I'm becoming more and more depressed as each month goes by.

But not trying won't solve it. I am depressed BECAUSE I am not getting pregnant. I don't want it to be like this but not trying won't change how I feel either. IDK.

Thinking next month I may just write my temps down on paper and not plug them into FF or do CM checks or anything else like that and just try not to think about it. Might even just shut off FB for awhile too so I don't have to see all the pregnancy announcements.

CD 29

Ok so I did not temp. I had a hard time sleeping last night.

Honestly I am feeling like AF is coming but I decided to take another OPK tonight anyway.

Yay for darker! Maybe I might actually ovulate in a bit here!

Today's OPK

Negative.

CD 28

Temp was 97.32.

More oops BFPs going around.

I am so done with this whole fucking process.

And I have been recording this EWCM because it's like the best EWCM I've ever had without mucinex.

CD 27

Got so excited yesterday thinking I had finally ovulated.

Nope.

I am so crushed today I can't even tell you. Rob had even said to me last night he really thought this was it. I had so much EWCM yesterday I had to mark it because it was pouring out of me.

I am just so so disappointed right now I could cry.

CD 24

Temp today was 97.1.

I was having some sharp cramp pains around my ovaries last night and got really hopeful I would ovulate but nope. Of course not.

Last night I made a grocery list, thought I would share it here.

I only have one digital in the house right now so I figure I will pick up more too, and some OPKs to see if I am even close to ovulating right now.

CD 23

Temp this morning was 97.3.

It fell out of my mouth because I fell asleep but it falling woke me and right when I put it back it started beeping so I am counting it as accurate.

CD 22

Temp was 97.12.

My uterus feels really weird. I don't know how to explain it, it just doesn't feel normal. Just definitely feeling something weird. I don't know if it means my period is coming or what.

At this point not thinking I will ovulate. Maybe not at all, or maybe just not anytime soon.

I know you don't always ovulate after a loss but because it wasn't confirmed I was hopeful I was still wrong and I would just ovulate on time.

I don't know.

No spotting or anything so that's good, especially since I'd been spotting the last few cycles after sex. It's been a wonderfully spot free month so far so I am just taking that as a good sign!

Maybe the fates are waiting for pay day so I can try pre-seed and vitex??

CD 21

Temp was 97.31.

Yeah.

I don't even know.

CD 20

Enough is enough.

I had a really bad night last night. The one BFP announcement I had been dreading the most, happened.

I am not even going to get into that here.

Point is once I managed to stop crying long enough to think straight, I decided.

I am done.

It's time to get serious. I will not reach my one year mark having not had one cycle where I really, really, gave it my all.

So if I still haven't ovulated by payday it's time to get serious. Going to go buy OPKs, vitex, and more pregnancy tests.

Going to take the prenatals, vitex, and yes the dreaded B6 again. Going to buy a new brand though and hope it doesn't smell nearly as bad! (Avoid NatureMade B6!!!!)

Here we go, time to get serious.

Well, if my body cooperates that is.

I was saying last night it felt like AF was coming. Cramps, moodiness, chocolate cravings. All very much AF signs for me.

This morning my temp was 96.3.

I am not even so much as spotting, which after sex is really good considering the past few months. Especially since it was pretty... well.... vigorous haha! I needed something after the bad news and I don't drink so sex it is!

Either I am having a super ovulation or more likely my body is just trying to regulate and drop all the residual hormones from the loss.

Or it could even be the fact that it was cold last night and I woke up out of the covers. (I oral temp, and sleep with my mouth open.)

We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Sigh.

CD 19

Temp today was 97.34.

Feeling really down the last couple of days. Just shouldn't have to be this hard. I know I've been blessed with two healthy pregnancies already, but I am just not done yet. Please don't let me be done yet. :(

CD 18

Wow, am I really 18 days into this cycle already?!

So even though it's illegal in city limits and we live RIGHT next to the state troopers office and what I call the car barn (because the place where they stored school buses where I am from was called the bus barn, not because I think police are pigs!) that stores all the cruisers, people were still setting off fireworks until 2 am!! And unfortunately DD #1 is a light sleeper like me and kept us up. With a temp time of 4:45 am I did not get to bed with enough time to temp. So I skipped it in favor of trying to sleep through DH's snoring! :P

So here's my chart:

I don't think I can say enough how much I want this, and what little faith I have that this will be our month. Frankly I am just going to be happy to ovulate.