CD 1 - Goodbye Baby

I was very hopeful.

I was nervous to test. Wondering if I should put it off another day.

In the end I decided to just get it over with.

A lot of times I will wipe before I test, just to check for blood so I don't waste a test.

This time I didn't.

So of course when yet another faint line showed, and I was disappointed and went to wipe, there was a bunch of red blood to make it all that much worse.

Honestly I am relieved the limbo is over, but I am so numb and upset right now. I know that doesn't make any sense because when you're numb you shouldn't feel anything. But it's more that I am so upset I can't even let myself feel right now.

I knew in my heart when those lines didn't darken as much as I hoped it wasn't going to work but I wanted it so bad and every line that got darker and every day that went by without bleeding I became more and more hopeful.

I feel so completely empty.